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You know how you feel when you wake up from a dream, and the bits of dream slowly slip through your fingers, and all you can hang on to is a lingering feeling of love, or guilt, or fear.  That’s all I remember, except, like a dream, for a few of the most important good and bad parts.  I dreamed something important happened, but I don’t remember what or why, and I feel a aimless inspiration.  I dreamed that I loved someone, but I don’t remember who, and I feel empty.  I feel bad about this, but I know that, in time, I won’t remember that I felt bad about a dream, and eventually I will forget that I felt bad at all. Continue Reading »

friend of dreams

You know how you feel when you wake up from a dream, and the bits of dream slowly slip through your fingers, and all you can hang on to is a lingering feeling of love, or guilt, or fear.  That’s all I remember, except, like a dream, for a few of the most important good and bad parts.  I know something important happened, but I don’t remember what or why.  I know that I loved someone, but I don’t remember who.  I feel bad about this, but I know that, in time, I won’t remember what I felt bad about, and eventually I will forget that I felt bad at all. Continue Reading »

Summer Solstice 2010

This spring I decided to throw myself out and try things. I have been playing a lot more disc golf, and I joined a D&D club, and I got a job. Having a job is so strange after not having one for so long. I am doing data entry which is very dull but leaves me time to listen to audio books and music. At the D&D club I met a guy named John Dancy. He is very nerdy like me and we have a weekly game every Saturday in Grand Rapids, but last week was my cousin Cristina’s wedding so it was postponed. I have been questioning my liberal beliefs lately because, to me, they seem to strip one of the ability to do anything more than just whatever. Caitlin graduated with a b.a. in English. I am very proud of her. Hopefully she can find a nice job. In the mean time, she has been writing fiction.
This spring I learned how to make beer-batter fried tilapia. It is fun to make and fun to eat, but also it is unhealthy. We had a nice picnic in Milham Park and I learned how to grill brats.
This spring I played the Metal Gear Solid games 1 – 4, and they were the best games I have ever played. It is too bad I missed them when they were current, but they have all won special places in my heart.

Tempest

Trim tapored tips tap yellowed yards
Time takes trips through besodden bars
Thrush cowels cast transparent chars
Tempest of erstwhile effusive sloughs

Tillman and Rudyard calling the hours
Trenchant and torrid the turgid towers
Twirllpools eschew talapia sours
Tedious temerity tests windfall showers

Twisted trifurcated trees touching tears
Tandem taup hangings heft hurried fears
Tremor-filled fields slip sideways smears
Timber and twine test sprightly spears

View

What do you do with a view?
You stare for minutes or hours
into the soul of the land;
the sky, the trees, the empty places,
all stretch out further than
you can see.

To see everything down there
from where you are up here
is to see the world like God;
the god who is your neighbor
and has its house on the hill next to yours
– but not as high of a hill
and, so, not as far of a view.

There is nothing more important
than to see beyond your own two hands,
past the book you are holding,
out beyond the walls that hold your pictures
and into the world that is not you.
Could anything be more important
than a house with a view?

Grandpa

I would like to talk to you about my grandpa, but you did not know him. Instead, let’s talk about yours. Your grandpa was always old. He always was going bald. He always gave the best presents on your birthday. He was tall, taller even than your dad, but also less imposing. He told the same stories over and over, and said silly rhymes that will always remind you of him.

You remember when he remarried, to the woman who will always be remembered in your family as the one who spent your inheritance; the one who he loved more. You were asked to be in the wedding, but you remember little of it. All his family was there, from all over the country. You did not know who these people were but you remember that they showed special attention to you and your brother and sister, because you were his only grandkids. The reception was in the same church as the wake.

You remember when he wasn’t there for you. You remember when he disappointed you. You remember when you realized that he had more duties than you; that every second of his day, he was doing something. You remember hearing about all the different places in the world he traveled to but have never been yourself. On the walls of his house were souvenirs from Africa, India, Spain, France, Italy, and the Holy Land. You were always surprised when he dressed differently than your dad.

You remember the short, to-the-point message you got, a voice mail or an e-mail, saying that he was in the hospital again but it was probably nothing serious but that you should know. He went home a few days later. This was the first time you realized that yes, he was going to die; old, but not old enough.

He had lost his grandpa so long ago that you never even realized he had one. There were pictures that you saw once, and your father still wears his gold ring, but you can’t remember his name. You will never forget your grandpa’s name.

You remember his bottles of pills, and his healthy food, and when the holidays were catered because it was too much work that year. That was the first and last time you argued with him, but it was friendly. You finally felt you understood enough of his world, that you had learned enough that you could understand why he said the things he did, that you felt he could respect your opinion. You still disagree with what he said.

You will never stop remembering the last time you saw him. You will remember your grandpa forever, and so will I.

solar day

If you are happy that the world keeps spinning, time keeps happening, and seasons come and go, then welcome to Solar Day. Solar Day is a quarterly holiday celebrating the passage of time. It is non-political and non-religious. It is a holiday for people who want something to celebrate without having to worry about why that day is special. It celebrates something that is both fundamental and completely beyond humankind.

Each Solstice and Equinox is celebrated by taking some time out of the day to quietly reflect on the previous months. I like to write an account of what I did in those months in a special book I have. Afterwords, you can have a feast if you like.

The Spring Equinox is the Feast of Greens, featuring vegetables. The Summer Solstice is the Feast of Water, featuring soup and fish. The Fall Equinox is the Feast of Grains, featuring bread, and finally the Winter Solstice is the Feast of Meat, featuring delicious meat.

During the feast, it is important to verbally acknowledge all the good and bad things that have been done and that have happened during the past three months.